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I'm glad I don't have writers' block anymore. Oh, yeah, the subject ! . . .

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."

Though this is definitely true of some woman, I don't think this is generally true.

There's also some ambiguities to the generalization, making it a fallacy (no pun intended). Which man and which woman? Obviously, for almost all women, a random man is never the answer. He's a lottery ticket, but worse.

I think reversing this, that many men stuck without an SO delude themselves into thinking they need "a" woman-- that is, a random person surrounding a pussy who they can then get to know and like, and to meet their emotional needs. At least, that's the way they'll talk about it many times. I'll admit I've lost my patience when a guy cries vodka tears over not having a woman, a girl-friend. That's different from breaking down because your relationship has ended, or your SO cheated on you, or otherwise raked you over coals. Frustrated, randomized desire is never respectable to me, and it too easily becomes resentment of the entire opposite sex. I could understand why women can be so repelled by it. Why should I be your "any" woman? they think.

Women, though, tend to struggle with a totally different problem, not falling for somebody at random, exactly, but by seeing what they want to see in a guy: therefore, falling for the jerk. This leads to something worse than resentment: it often brings them to rack and ruin.

A good example is in Jenna Jameson's autobiography, "How to Make Love Like a Pornstar: A Cautionary Tale." I was stunned at how her life first became ruined due to falling for a complete creep right off the bat at a young age. She opens Chapter 1 poignantly saying:

"There comes a moment in every life where a choice must be made between right and wrong, between good and evil, between light and darkness. These decisions are made in an instant, but with repercussions that last a lifetime. My troubles began the day I chose darkness-- the day I chose Jack."

This is a fascinating statement for many reasons. It's an aside, but I'll have to mention that it means Jenna believes she chose evil. It's a terrible judgment to make about yourself, and I can't say the rest of her book leads me to believe that she reached redemption, or even tried. I don't expect Jenna to be much of a spokeswoman for porn as a right with such dark self-judgment as this.

I was stunned in another way. Jenna is bisexual. The sex experiences she has with women are steamy. Yet, emotionally, women didn't do it for her. She had to stick with her totally faithless abusive jerk of an SO, trying to squeeze a drop of emotional fulfillment-- which she never got.

Which for me will always belie the generality that a "woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." This was only an example, but I've seen it borne out in real life too many times, and I've heard the story told so often.

So, IMO, most hetero women do need the right man, they often see what they want to see in a jerk, or strive to improve a jerk through love. Often, there's no success, and they suffer from it, financially, emotionally, physically, or all three.

Finally, I trust my white knight instincts to declare it means a lot to women in general to be treated respectfully by men in general, no matter how much a woman "needs" a man. That's the greater need. I'll point out also point out that women respond to words differently than men. There's a lot of science that points to this. I would never argue that women should be removed from a room so that the men can talk, they should know how guys might talk to other guys. But, really, things that guys say to each other routinely are the sort of things that if translated allowing for gender, would make a woman fighting mad and in tears. It's not that the language used between guys is more truthful and women can't handle "the truth." It's more like a different mode of language.

Where does the hobby fit in all this? That's a different subject.

Blog posted 05/23/2008 @ 08:19 pm  |  4 Comments  |  Leave a Comment



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