ITALIAN PHILOSOPHY AT IT'S FINEST
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed!
"Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howzabout u leava me your Rolex watch instead?"
"Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business.....you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos"
"Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then....... pointa to you watch and say "Times up"?
Be SO careful with what you say.
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, and pinched her on her butt, and said, "You know if you firmed this up, we could get rid of your girdle." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought, and replied with silence. The next morning the man woke his wife up with a pinch on the breast, and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra." This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know, if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the pool man, and your brother."
Men should not take messages.
Note found by the wife on the refrigerator:
SOMEONE FROM THE GYNA COLLEGES CALLED.
THEY SAID THE PABST BEER IS NORMAL.
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU LIKE BEER.