Telling the truth even when it is hard
Today a lady friend of mine called me to talk about her "boyfriend", who is still married and from all signs has no intensions of leaving his wife. She was asking if she should see him tomorrow or not. Thus, I had the task of taking the information given to me and deciding if I should tell her that I thought continuing this relationship was detrimental to her, or just trying to be supportive. I chose the first option. She appeared to be upset, but agreed with me that he was not showing signs that he was going to leave his wife, and that he could not say some of the things he does to her, if he (as he claims) really loved her. Clearly all of this was not easy for her to hear, but she thanked me for being a good friend and watching out for her. I would put money on it that she will see this guy tomorrow and have sex with him, but I felt that I had to be honest with her about the reality of the situation.
So why do I feel like a shit for doing it now?
Chronicles of a Junkie (Part 2)
In order to fully tell my story, I guess I should start with how I started hobbying. Having grown up in a small town in the Midwest, I had not even seen a hooker except on TV. Then about 1998, I was sent to Hawaii on business. I was staying in a hotel right off Waikiki Beach, and was only a block from the main drag that ran parallel to the beach. This street during the day was so packed with tourist that you could hardly walk down it; however, at night it was completely littered with hookers. Many of them as I found out, were on vacation and trying to turn a few tricks to pay for their trip. It was amzing to me, just how many of them there were, all shapes sizes and colors, too.
One night feeling a little brave but still apprehensive, I decided that I was going to try this out. Still feeling apprehensive, I decided that I would walk the strip once up and back and it I saw my perfect type, then it was meant to be. I even wrote it down on a piece of paper, so that I could not cheat. I wrote down: American, very short haired blonde, with a nice tan, about 5'7", athletic build, and wearing a nice dress. For some reason, I was not attracted to the hoochie clothes many of the ladies chose to wear. I left my hotel room and did not walk four blocks when there she was walking toward. This girl was even more perfect than what I had imagined when I was writing things down in my room. My initial thought was, this girl can not be a hooker. Then she walked right up to me, and said "your cute, are you looking for a date". Of course, I stupidly said, I have never done this how much? She said two hundred, and I said I only have a hundred. She agreed, and we went to my room.
Once in my room she was me to take of my clothes and get on the bed. I did as she ask, and she dropped her dress to the floor. Her breasts were a little smaller then I would have really preferred, but the rest of her was perfect. She started giving me a covered blow job, then looked up and me with an angelic face and said I could ride on him for an extra hundred. We settled on an extra fifty. I know up-selling and bargaining in the same session, clearly I was a newbie. She was amazing for that time. Of course as I look back on it now, it was probably more like a 6 or 7 in performance on a TER scale. No kissing, CBJ, and one pop, but for a first timer it was great.
During this same trip, I decided to scrimp on food and use my perdium to have my first experience with an African American lady and an Asian lady. This was the beginning of the addiction.
My first trip to a swinger's party
Some might call it a swinger's party; some might call it an orgy. I was invited by a friend of mine to attend a conference of sorts all about sexual activities. She and I could only make it on the last night of the weekend conference. We got there around 6pm, and she first wanted to head up to the swingers party. We walked into to a room filled with ladies in lingerie and naked men standing around talking and having a few cocktails. Upon entering we were informed that this was a Silk & Skin party; meaning that the ladies were in silk and the men were in nothing but skin. Admittedly I was a bit apprehensive at first, but got naked anyway. After all you only live once. Immediately after taking my clothes off my friend pulled me into the bathroom so she could briefly blow me; saying I want you to represent.
I made us a couple of drinks then we made our way through a small crowd and found a seat on the couch. After our first cocktail my friend decided that the party needed a little spicing up, so she got back between my legs and started blowing me, while she was jacking off the other guy on the couch. This was all the spark that that party needed. After that it was sex, sex and more sex for hours. I saw a woman get fisted for the first time. I saw two BBW's getting flogged simultaneously. I got a blow job sitting in a chair while 8 other people were having sex on the beds. I was involved in a 3 girl, 3 guy line that stretched from one end of the room to the other (that was hot).
All in all it was a very fun experience except for the rookie mistake. This being my first swinger's party / orgie, I did not know how much juice I was going to have, so the first two times ladies ask me if I was going to cum for them I said not yet. Then before I knew it, the party was winding down and no more opportunities to cum presented themselves. Clearly a rookie mistake, and not one I will let happen again. This was one time I should have remembered that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Chronicles of a Junkie (Part 1)
I just finished watching a movie about two junkies, and their struggles to get high, then their struggles to get clean. It reminded me very much of the struggles with and the addiction of being a hobbyist. While they were doing heroine and I was doing providers, the two struggles were very similar. Granted I did not sink as low as they did, or did I? That is a good question, as I sit here in my basement apartment that I now live in after my wife kicked me out for being a junkie. Yes, I was a junkie and sex was my drug of choice.
If you truly think about it hobbying is not that different from being a junkie. They are both about instant gratification. Both are designed to allow you to forget about your troubles for a short period of time. I even went through some of the same stages as a junkie. The longer I hobbied, the more I needed to hobby, and the more risk I was willing to take to get the money to hobby.
When I first started to hobby, I would hobby every couple of months, by the end, I was trying to figure out ways to hobby every week. I know some guys hobby more than once a week, but clearly they have more money available than I did. I did a lot to hide the amount of money that I did spend on hobbying. It is amazing how truly creative one can be when trying to hide money from a significant other. I would always do the grocery shopping, so that I could take out an extra $50 at the grocery store. Every time someone would give us a check, I would cash it and tell my wife I deposited it. I had not balanced our check book for years, to hide the money trail. If I had only put that much effort into saving money.
I think I will utilize this forum to chronicle my struggles to stay clean. Hopefully someone else reading this will find it useful and perhaps it may help someone else to walk away from the destructive behavior. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that the hobby is destructive for everyone, just as alcohol is not; however, I handled it well for about 5 years, then went overboard and became a junkie.