Hey Chief, does this count?
The Chief asked an interesting question in his “Another Difference” blog about trying new things sexually. This may fall outside of his question, technically, but I was reminded of it just the same.
I wish I were better at hiding my reaction to some things, but my facial expressions often give me away. Some people can read me better than others, and one person in particular spends most of her time around me laughing AT me. She has been under the weather, lately, so I called this weekend to find out how she was recovering.
My mistake was being in a public place. I called while in a sporting goods store looking for headbands. (If I don’t wear something to deflect the perspiration playing squash, I can’t see.) She said, “While you are there, buy a jock strap with a cup”. What? Why would I want a jock strap? I haven’t had one of those since high school football.
“Find a girl working at the store and ask her where they are? The ones with cups!” What? Why would I want to embarrass a girl with that question? “Just Do It” was the only explanation I got.
Some young girl very earnestly walked me across the store to the shelfs with jock straps. Then I actually handed my phone to her so that she could get more specific instructions from the other end. Now I had done it. I had just surrendered my phone. While I stood there wondering if this could get any more surreal, I became a topic of pubic conversation. This girl crawled around on the floor talking on my phone and rather loudly saying “I only see Large cups. I don’t see any XL cups. Wait, here is an XL. I don’t believe they have XXL cups. Wait, they do! Here is an XXL cup!”
Much to my dismay, this activity attracted more attention. Moments later, we had three sales clerks (two girls and a guy) discussing the sizing issues of jock straps and protective cups. The guy said with authority that the cups didn’t come in different sizes, just the straps. The girl holding my phone interrupted with “His wife says he needs a big cup.”
Enough. This circus needed to end. I graciously took one of the packages, pocketed my cell phone, and bolted for the checkout. Naturally I could have ditched the cup before actually buying it, but that would have been admitting to these kids that they were part of a joke. And the look on my face? Well, all I can say is that she was laughing. She didn’t have to see my face, she knew what it looked like. She is probably still laughing.
And I am now the proud owner of a jock strap with a cup. What am I going to do with that?